Going to “Speed Racer” makes you feel like one of those people who watches the Indianapolis 500 to see the crashes.

It’s not as though you haven’t been warned. Beginning with its opening-day reviews, this Warner Bros. action-fantasy from the “Matrix”-making Wachowski brothers has been a $250 million gift to film-reviewing punsters and headline writers trying to outsnide the opposition.

All the crash-and-burn, zero-to-20, flat tire, out of gas, speed kills, red flag metaphors had already been used up before I even set foot in the theater.

Anyone who chooses to see this big-screen, big-budget version of the Japanese anime TV series had better wachowski, was the best I could come up with.

Actually, you could see the problems coming when the trailers caused headaches and motion sickness.

What were they thinking? Have we gone to the cartoon well once too often?

What there is of a story has to do with Speed Racer’s olde